Or:

A sampling of the wide range of unhealthy/un-yoga-like/sort of yoga-like thoughts I had during my practice tonight.

• I haven’t done yoga in awhile, not since my neck injury, I hope I don’t re-aggravate it. I hope I can still do yoga.  I’m probably going to suck.
• Oh man, I’m sore.  Yep, suckfest on the way.
• Wow, I’m pretty tight.  I’m sucking tonight.
• Wait, this is my practice.  I am how I am.  I’m here on the mat.  Today is different than every other day and that is ok.
• Oh boy, the balance is off.  I can’t stand up.
• I can’t…
• I can’t…
• Ok, this side is better. Just breathe, be present, stay focused, quiet mind.
• Are my hips even? I can never tell.  I’m so bad at that.  Jenn always has to help me.  I can’t even tell.
• See? He just adjusted my hips and they were way off.  I have to get better at that.  I need to learn how they should feel.
• Am I on the right breath? Am I supposed to be inhaling or exhaling? I’m always doing the opposite.  Damn it.
• My foot’s not in the right place.
• Still not in the right place.  The lady next to me is nailing this whole thing.  Her foot placement is perfect.
• Jenn says I overthink things.  I do overthink things.  Why am I overthinking this?
• My ankle hurts.  I shouldn’t do that.  Maybe I’ll push through, it only hurts a little.
• High plank for the 50th time? I hate your guts.  Namaste.
• Low plank? I have a giant bruise on my forearm from my accident, that’s going to hurt.  It does hurt.  I’ll keep doing it anyway.
• Is it svasana yet? Hurry up and get to svasana.  Screw being present.  Get it over with already.
• Does that hurt or am I just weak?  Weakness or pain? Weakness or pain? How’d I get so weak?
• I’m nailing this pose.  I love yoga.
• Stretching is awesome.  Why don’t I do yoga every single day?
• Svasana is the best, let me clear my mind of my lesson plans for tomorrow, and how cold it is, and how I can hear the hairdressers walking around upstairs, and how I should write a blog, and the wind sounds like it’s going to knock the building over, and it’s so hot and stuffy in here, and why do they set it for 81 degrees because I think I’m not the only one who hates that it’s so hot in here, and I wonder how my car’s coming, and I need to remember to send that email, and oh yeah, I’m supposed to be clearing my mind……deep breath.

You get the picture.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.