Monthly Archives: February 2015

Oscar Morning – 12:09 a.m.

Do they ever end on time?

Here is a running list of my thoughts and observations as I watched the Oscars. If I tweeted more, these could have been live, but I don’t. So, here they are:

I heart NPH. He makes me laugh, even though a lot of people will probably hate this opening bit.

I totally nailed my best supporting actor prediction. J.K. Simmons. Although, I totally doubted myself as they played the clips from the movies and I thought Edward Norton was going to swipe in for the steal. Good thing I didn’t have time to change my prediction. Stuck the landing.

9:00ish DVR completely freaks the fuck out and locks up – has to be rebooted. Luckily it was during costume design/make up awards and I didn’t really miss anything, but it was very. Bad. Timing.

Nicole Kidman looks fake as hell.

Why do they make people sit on those weird little box seats on the side? It takes them forever to get to the stage.

Long speeches and wrap up music. Wrap. It. Up. People.

Everything is awesome was not awesome. It was terrible. I don’t get it. I’m not into the whole Lego thing, and that was definitely weirdo Mcweirdo at the Oscars.

There are a lot of screaming over the music and lengthy speeches tonight (and every year of Oscar history ever, I guess).

Jason Bateman looks better than ever. The documentary film maker that won the award he handed out with the pom pom dress did not, however. HA, then NPH made a joke about it. “It takes a lot of balls to wear a dress like that.” I guess I’m not the only one that took notice.

The Oscar nominated songs are not doing it for me this year. Tim McGraw is flat as hell. What a terrible last note! Too bad Glen Campbell couldn’t have sung it himself.

NPH got naked on stage, which was ballsy. Pun intended.

I just remembered that I didn’t post about my predictions for best director. I just added a comment to my blog post on facebook to give myself a timestamp in case any of my 10 readers doesn’t believe me. I think Linklater should win.

Jared Leto’s hair has gone into another league that is now starting to diminish his hotness instead of enhance it. Time to chop it off buddy.

Twitter is the best ever invention. If there’s any lull in the action, twitter always comes through.

I missed my prediction on Emma Stone for best supporting actress. I can feel that I’m going to be wrong. Now that I’m watching the clips, I think Arquette should win. Drum roll please……………Damn it. I knew I should have picked her. Too late. I’m 1 for 2.

I hate all the songs.

Fatigue is starting to set in. I’m old and sleepy. I know I don’t have to go to work tomorrow, but my eyelids are getting heavy.

Ok, I don’t hate all the songs. John Legend’s voice is amazing. His Selma song with Common is pretty good. That performance blew all the others out of the water. A much-deserved standing ovation.

It’s 11:30 and none of the major awards have been given out. This seems to be one of the longest running Oscars ever. They don’t seem even a little pressed for time.

Oprah’s dress is freaking awesome.

Best Director coming up. I predicted Linklater, but Anderson or Inarritu are strong contenders. And the Academy Award goes to…Alejandro Inarritu. As predicted, I’m stinking at my predictions. I guess that’s the only thing I can predict. Inarritu was amazing as a director. He directed such an insanely good film. I thought Linklater might win because of how conceptually different and innovative Boyhood was being filmed over such a long time.

Best actor coming up now. It’s such a tough category. I nailed it. Eddie Redmayne. He gave a great performance.

And now the best actress. Holy shit Matthew McConaughy: What. Is. Your. Beard?   Hahahaha. I just read a tweet by comedian Esther Ku (@EstherKuKu) and she said “Is Matthew McConaughy wearing pube extensions on his beard?” My thoughts exactly. Julianna Moore wins. My stats are getting better and better, here.

Locked box joke is falling quite a bit flat. Sorry, Neil.

Oh Sean Penn. You look a little too intense for your own good right now.

Best Picture. Drum Roll Please………Birdman. I nailed it. And so did the Academy. It was one of my favorite films ever. Go watch it!

Oscar Night

I’m writing this as the red carpet is happening for the event that I have been counting down towards.  I realize that most people in my life don’t give a hoot about the Oscars, but as you may or may not know, I love them.  I love watching all the films – even tracking them down at independent theaters and going to watch them by myself.  I love wondering which ones will win.  I love the history and tradition.  I love the red carpet and all the celebrities.  I don’t care much about the fashion, but I guess I do love the glamour of the whole thing. I know I’m not alone in my love of the Oscars, because approximately a gajillion people watch them every year (that’s an exact figure.)

“Don’t they want to kill themselves doing this?” My sister is saying to me as I type.

“No,” I reply, “I doubt it.”

“I would.” she says, and disinterestedly goes into the other room.  I don’t care if I am alone in this venture.  It makes me happy.

Therefore, I know this post is more for me than my readers.  I have spent the last few months diligently making sure that I saw each and every film that was nominated for Best Picture.  I sort of don’t know why I do this, because I often don’t agree with the award winners that the Academy Chooses. I suppose I just want to be informed and I love films – pretty much everything about them.  So, while I wait for the real show to start, and before the awards are actually given, I am going to do some ranking and rating of my own.  I doubt I’ll be correct in any way.

For me, the best picture nominees are ranked in the following order:

  1.  Birdman

  2. Whiplash

  3. The Grand Budapest Hotel

  4. Boyhood

  5. The Theory of Everything

  6. The Imitation Game

  7. American Sniper

  8. Selma

It is extremely rare that I would ever put another film over a Wes Anderson film.  He is probably my favorite film maker of all time.  However, Birdman and Whiplash totally blew me away.  They were unbelievably amazing.  If you haven’t seen either one, you should.  I feel as though the Imitation Game looks unfairly low on my list, because it was a tremendous film, but obviously this is some tough competition.  I liked American Sniper and Selma, but I doubt either of them should have been nominated for Best Picture.  They were out of their leaque in this crowd.

Same thing for Best Actor:

  1. Eddie Redmayne – The Theory of Everything

  2. Michael Keaton – Birdman

  3. Steve Carell – Foxcatcher

  4. Benedict Cumberbatch – the Imitation Game

  5. Bradley Cooper – American Sniper

Eddie Redmayne may just be fresh in my mind because I watched The Theory of Everything yesterday, but he was truly outstanding.  Michael Keaton has never been better, so they are almost tied for me.  I love Bradley Cooper, but it wasn’t Oscar-worthy.

Supporting Actor:

  1. J.K. Simmons – Whiplash

  2. Mark Rufalo – Foxcatcher

  3. Edward Norton – Birdman

  4. Ethan Hawke – Boyhood

  5. Robert Duvall – the Judge

J.K. Simmons was captivating in Whiplash.  I really didn’t like Foxcatcher at all, but Mark Ruffalo was the best part of that whole film.

On the Actress side of things, I didn’t see all the films, much to my own dismay.  I only make sure I see all the best picture nominees, but that usually gets me a long way and covers my bases.  This year, I didn’t see Wild, Into the Woods, or Two Days, One Night. Three films short of perfection.  I wanted to see them all, too.  Damn.  So basically, my rankings will have to exclude those films and will therefore not really be fair.  I’ll just say my favorites.

For Best Actress my favorite was Julianne Moore – Still Alice

Other nominees in that category were: Felicity Jones (The Theory of Everything), Marion Cotillard (Two Days, One night), Rosamund Pike (Gone Girl), Reese Witherspoon (Wild)

For Best Supporting Actress my favorite was: Emma Stone – Birdman

Other nominees in that category were: Patricia Arquette (Boyhood), Laura Dern (Wild), Kiera Knightley (The Imitation Game), Meryl Streep (Into the Woods)

I will say that Kiera Knightley’s performance in the Imitation Game must have been amazing, because it’s the first time I haven’t wanted to kill her while watching her in a movie.  I loathe her, but not in this movie.

 

I realize this blog is sort of a bore-fest, but that’s ok.  I wanted to get my rankings in before the show starts so that I can clearly show that I was totally wrong once the awards start rolling in.  Also, since I’ve binge-watched 8 seasons of How I Met Your Mother recently, I am currently obsessed with Neil Patrick Harris and I’m excited to see how he hosts the show.  It’s going to be an all-around good time.  29 minutes and counting.

 

The Mayer Factor

I play mouth guitar. You probably didn’t know that about me. What’s mouth guitar, you ask? It’s the phenomenon that comes over me whenever I listen to a John Mayer song. Not only do I know and love all the words, I know and love all the guitar parts as well. You can’t just sit there, still and silent, while John is killing it on the guitar. So, you have to play mouth guitar. It’s a finely tuned skill that I have developed over the last decade and a half or so. It’s necessary to any authentic John Mayer sing-a-long. And, it’s a real thing. I looked it up on urban dictionary. See for yourself:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Mouth+Guitar

Speaking of John Mayer, he has been on my mind lately. Well, if you know me, that’s not really an unusual thing for me to say. He’s pretty much always on my mind in one way or another. I love him. Like, a lot. Not like fangirling type of stalker obsession, but…ok, maybe a little. I’d prefer to say I’m just dedicated and appreciative of his many talents. In my first apartment, which I shared with my fellow John Mayer enthusiast, and best friend, Andrea, I put a picture of John Mayer in our bathroom. No, not because I’m crazy. It was actually because I’m hilarious. I went through the trouble to make a picture (in a frame and all) that said A “John” Picture at the bottom. Get it? Because he’s John, and his picture was in the john? Ok, you know what? Judge me all you want, I don’t care! So anyway, I’ve seen him 5 or 6 times in concert (The fact that I don’t know the exact number proves that I’m not crazy, right?) and plan to see him anytime he’s within a 200-mile radius of me. Or 300, depends on the venue and the time of year. Well, there was that time, I flew to Colorado to see him. Ok, so there’s no mileage limitation. I own every song he’s ever written, covered, or recorded (unless I don’t know about it, in which case I want to!) I know every note on those songs like it’s a part of me. That’s because they are.

Music is powerful. I think we all know that. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, where I’m going, or what mood I’m in – there is a John Mayer song for the occasion. I made a quick chart for you all below of just a tiny sampling:

Mayer Song     Associated occasion/thought process
Wildfire     Summer wistfulness
Wheel     Contemplating the nature of life
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room     Impending Break Up
Who Says?     Who gives a F*ck what people think?
3×5     Don’t forget to live in the moment
Vultures     This beat is cool as hell
Free Fallin’ cover     Tom who?
Walt Grace     Damn, John is a good songwriter
Something Like Olivia     Makes you jealous of someone named Olivia.
(Wait, maybe that’s just me)

I love many other musicians, too, like John Lennon (wait, maybe I have a special place in my heart for John’s?) and the Beatles, Brett Dennen, Jason Mraz, the Backstreet Boys (yes, it’s true, and I still don’t care what you think), the Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Jack White…we could probably be here all day if I keep this up. But, what I’m realizing as time goes on is that John is my go-to guy. He’s my desert island pick. You know that whole, “if you were stranded and you could only pick one album/artist etc…” thing, and then you say to the person asking you, “Why would I only have one? It doesn’t make any sense…” because you don’t want to have to narrow it down to just one. So you say, “Well, can I pick two?” and they say, “No just one, just play along, blah, blah, blah.” Well, for me it’s John.

John hosted the Late Late Show last week for three days. (It was the only three days I have ever in my life watched the Late Late Show. Just sayin’.) He was charming, entertaining, and hilarious as always. But to get to my point, Mary Lynn Rajskub was a guest. You probably know her as Chloe O’Brien from 24. Or at least, that’s where I know her from. She seemed to feel the same way I do about John, and her segment was quite entertaining because it’s always fun to see someone drooling over someone in a way you can relate to. She also said she wrote him a song, which there is a link to below. I highly recommend that you watch it if you’re into funny people, talented musicians, or Chloe O’Brien.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB0RtYf8Nvo

 

So, while John is all on my mind from his late night hosting gig and my surplus of John Mayer time this week, one of my best friends, Desiree, posted this on Facebook yesterday:

“Seriously – if there was ONLY one thing we could universally agree on in the US, it would be that Prince is the coolest dude there is.”

First of all, I had to laugh, because despite loving her to death, we disagree frequently in our opinions, so this was just par for the course. Below this post, was a stream of comments totally in agreement with her about Prince being amazing. My response was not similar. My immediate reaction was WHAT??????? (aka wtf kind of world would agree on such an egregious thing?) I don’t get Prince. Like, at all. (which I promptly told her in the comments of her post.) I don’t think he’s cool, or sexy, or good, or entertaining. I don’t like his voice, or his songs, or to watch him perform. I seriously do not understand why people swoon over him. (But I still love you anyway, Des.)

But, the reason I don’t get Prince and everyone else does is because for me, he doesn’t have that indescribable, intangible factor that any musician you truly love has to have – those vibes that radiate from every pore of them, every note, and every breath. My Prince vibe radar is dead – no response, non-functioning (I’m way OK with that.) He’s not my guy. And John Mayer is. Prince doesn’t speak to my soul. He doesn’t make sense to me. But John Mayer does.

Some people (perish the thought) would say the same thing about Johnny boy. They don’t get him. He’s unlikeable. He’s a womanizer. He’s mediocre. (All their words, not mine.) He himself has commented about how widely hated he is and has been since a string of bad press about five years ago. The bad press was not unwarranted, believe me. But I never, not for one second, stopped loving him. His music wasn’t tainted, as can sometimes happen when you find things out about musicians outside of their music itself. I never even flinched. There is nothing that could ever make me. The Mayer Factor is impermeable for me.

Andrea, my aforementioned best friend, and I always joke about how we don’t care about any of those rumors and bad press. We know he’s a good guy. We know the real John (umm, yeah. We don’t. But we FEEL like we do…you know, through our deep connection to his music.) We just want to chill with him in Montana and sit around a campfire together while he writes music casually, plays guitar with his hands and his face (he does that, I know it sound weird, but he does that), and makes us laugh with his wit and crooked smile. Sounds pretty good to me.